I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
