I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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