im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
