She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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