I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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