Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
