I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
