ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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