made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
