at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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