I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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