were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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