I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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