I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
