Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
