I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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