On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
