genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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