It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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