Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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