Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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