Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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