That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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