drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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