Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
