This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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