someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
