I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh god it's open bar.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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