I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
