There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
