He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
