there's paper in my vomit.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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