There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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