Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
