Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
