dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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