Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
