Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want a musical about memes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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