Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
