So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
