My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
