Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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