So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
