i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
