I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
