The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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