sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
