Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
