...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
