btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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