Don't make out with my wife yet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
