Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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