I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
