hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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