would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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