I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
