i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
