I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
