After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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