Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
