sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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