1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
