I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
