Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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