Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
