That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
